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Back to Section One | Back to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, April 1, 2011 - Volume 39 Issue 13
SGN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Lisa Lampanelli lets it all hang out
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SGN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: Lisa Lampanelli lets it all hang out

by Albert Rodriguez - SGN A&E Writer

Like a favorite aunt who's had too many boilermakers on Christmas, anything and everything can fall out of Lisa Lampanelli's mouth. The comedy world's 'queen of mean' has made a living from skewering every person in the room, regardless of their race, sexual orientation, or penis size - she's not for the easily offended, regularly throwing fireballs with explicit language and flabbergasting stereotypes that could only be extinguished with holy water. Lampanelli, who premieres her newest Comedy Central one-hour special Tough Love on March 27, was dealing with plumbing issues (kitchen sink, people) at her New York home on the day she phoned in, but still managed to squeeze us into a chaotic afternoon. Here's what this naughty, hilarious Italian hot mama had to say to Seattle Gay News.



Albert Rodriguez: What do you remember about Seattle?

Lisa Lampanelli: Well, I filmed my second special there, Dirty Girl, at the Moore Theatre, and I really liked it. I had this joke where I said 'Seattle has no blacks - they don't even take their coffee black.' It was actually true because we chose the one black guy in the whole theater for me to make fun of during my special.

Rodriguez: Joan Rivers, Kathy Griffin, Margaret Cho, and Lisa Lampanelli - you all have big Gay fan bases. What do you think the connection is between female comedians and Gay men?

Lampanelli: I think it's Gay men and drag queen-looking comedians, because if you lined us all up - me, Kathy Griffin, Margaret Cho, and Joan Rivers - you would not be able to tell the drag version from the real version. You all know that we sort of use tape to get dressed and tuck in our penises, and you like us because of that.

Rodriguez: I'm a chocolate daddy virgin - never had one. Is it the real deal, worth checking out?

Lampanelli: In my book [Chocolate, Please: My Adventures in Food, Fat and Freaks] I found it really exotic and exciting, because growing up in Connecticut and going to Catholic school we didn't have any black people. We had four guys they imported from Bridgeport to play basketball, and that was it. I know since you're a big homo, you're talking about should you bang one. I say, go for it. But I would warm up with a Hispanic to get a little stretched out first - don't start with a Jew; they're going to be pretty easy on the old ass. You gotta get used to a little girth back there.

Rodriguez: I do think Kobe Bryant is hot.

Lampanelli: I know, he is cute. And he's a light-skinned brother, like someone in his family banged Thomas Jefferson.

Rodriguez: Is there any celebrity that hasn't come out that seriously needs to?

Lampanelli: Tom Cruise, John Travolta, Oprah, Ryan Seacrest. Have I named anyone who clearly isn't a big faggot? Don't you feel the same way about all those people?

Rodriguez: I do. And Clay Aiken and Ricky Martin, who for some reason when they actually did come out it was supposed to be 'news.'

Lampanelli: Yeah, Clay Aiken. That really shocked the shit out of everybody, right? But I understand the deal with someone like Barry Manilow who had to stay in the closet because years ago he wouldn't have been able to make a living. I get it. So, I almost give everybody a free pass who's over 50. If you're not over 50, jump out, bitches!

Rodriguez: Do you think Gay marriage will ever be legal in the U.S.?

Lampanelli: I can only hope so. I think they should legalize Gay marriage, but outlaw Gay divorces. You fuckers want it so much? Keep it!

Rodriguez: What do you recommend to anyone wanting to pursue a career in comedy?

Lampanelli: I would say unless you really want to work 16 hours a day for the rest of your life, no need to apply, bitch. It doesn't get easier. Eventually you make some decent money if you're good, but it's really hard work.

Rodriguez: In your opinion, who's the best comedian in the business right now?

Lampanelli: It's hard to say. I'd still watch [Don] Rickles any day of the week. I'll go to see a few women comics, like I think Kathy Griffin is awesome, Joan Rivers is a legend. There's too many to name.

Rodriguez: What do you think about Daniel Tosh, aside from the fact that he's cute?

Lampanelli: I've never seen his stand-up. My nephews love him, they worship him. And I've gotta say my nephews have pretty good taste, because they like my comedy. His TV show is really funny and it beats The Daily Show in the ratings, which cracks me up because kids wanna see people falling on their asses on YouTube instead of listening to the news.

Rodriguez: Bullying has affected a lot of young Gay people across the country. Do you have any advice for victims of bullying?

Lampanelli: That's a really tough one. I wanna cry because I have a real issue with bullying - it pisses me off. I was never bullied as a kid, but people in my family were. All I can say is find someone who gets it and complain, because the few times my parents stood up for us about those things & they'll never forget it.

Rodriguez: What are you most thankful for when you wake up in the morning?

Lampanelli: That I found something to do that's fun, pays a lot of money - even if it pays nothing, I found something to do that I really like and I don't dread going to every day. There are long days. But can you imagine long days doing something you didn't want to do?

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